Study Suggests that Running is Stupid
A new study published by the Chris Alarie Correspondence School for Motherfuckers finds that participating in recreational running can make the runner significantly more uncool. In fact, researchers went as far as to say that the study supports the conclusion that "running is stupid." Though the research on this topic is in its preliminary stages, experts in the field have hailed this study as an important development in determining the just how stupid certain types of exercise seem.
The paper was the result of 18 months of observations of recreational runners conducted by a team of professors and graduate students from the correspondence college. The researchers, lead by professor Douglas Slayton, carefully watched runners and joggers in a variety of environments, including environments in which the runners did not know they were being observed. During these trials, researchers carefully measured a number of characteristics that could be used to determine how an outside observer would perceive the runner. These observations were then compared to established, scaled designations of coolness culled from a number of sources, including US Weekly's famous Hot or Not feature.
Professor Slayton said that he was pleased with the results but cautioned that they still needed to be corroborated by further research. He indicated that, while the health benefits of running and other forms of exercise are frequent topics of scientific inquiry, the study of whether or not these forms of exercise make those who engage in them seem uncool, stupid, or even hella lame is still in its infancy. He expressed hope that the study would prompt other research institutions to focus on the topic, stating, "I wholeheartedly believe that it is well within the means of the scientific community to determine conclusively whether or not running is stupid. And I believe that it can be determined within our lifetimes."
The study, which was funded in part with federal grant money (a regular source of funding for the unaccredited correspondence school), comes on the heels of a 2011 CACSFMF study that concluded that people who regularly ride bikes are significantly more likely to be assholes than people who do not.
The paper was the result of 18 months of observations of recreational runners conducted by a team of professors and graduate students from the correspondence college. The researchers, lead by professor Douglas Slayton, carefully watched runners and joggers in a variety of environments, including environments in which the runners did not know they were being observed. During these trials, researchers carefully measured a number of characteristics that could be used to determine how an outside observer would perceive the runner. These observations were then compared to established, scaled designations of coolness culled from a number of sources, including US Weekly's famous Hot or Not feature.
Professor Slayton said that he was pleased with the results but cautioned that they still needed to be corroborated by further research. He indicated that, while the health benefits of running and other forms of exercise are frequent topics of scientific inquiry, the study of whether or not these forms of exercise make those who engage in them seem uncool, stupid, or even hella lame is still in its infancy. He expressed hope that the study would prompt other research institutions to focus on the topic, stating, "I wholeheartedly believe that it is well within the means of the scientific community to determine conclusively whether or not running is stupid. And I believe that it can be determined within our lifetimes."
The study, which was funded in part with federal grant money (a regular source of funding for the unaccredited correspondence school), comes on the heels of a 2011 CACSFMF study that concluded that people who regularly ride bikes are significantly more likely to be assholes than people who do not.
posted by Carlos Animals at 8:58 PM
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